Every breakup, gay or straight, has its own set of rules for getting over it. However, everyone needs some sort of guide to help them along whenever the "unthinkable" happens.
1: Stay away from them
For some of us, there's always that ex that seems to conveniently drunk dial a little too often. However, think about the person on the other end that's doing the calling. There are many psychological ticks that can result from a breakup, messy or clean. Any relationship worthwhile will take some time to process at first. The most important thing is to stay away from each other. Obviously, one of you (or both) doesn't want the relationship to continue the way it is currently. The best thing for both of you is to stay as far away from each other as possible. I don't don't believe in the "Let's be friends" immediately after a relationship crap. It just doesn't work. The wound is still fresh, and it's going to take time to heal. Take this time to hurt, cry, and get it all out. Because afterwards, I'm going to need you to snap out of it, and move on to #2. :)
2. Revenge Sex is Not the Answer
Now, you're slightly recovered. This is when you recall everything the two of you have been through over the past few years (hopefully it's at least been 6 months), and you get angry. No, not angry. It's a little bit farther than anger. Everyone knows what I'm getting at. It's the peg right before psychotic. Your brains starts sending signals to your heart that tell you to get even. And what better way than having sex with a stranger? Or with someone close to your ex in the hopes that he/she will find out, become infuriated, and......
Oh, that's right. People never think that far into it, do they? Revenge sex will solve nothing. Sure, you'll get some urges out of your system, but let's be honest. The entire time this act is occurring, you'll be thinking about him/her. Don't lie.
3. Changing Yourself Won't Change Their Mind
Now that you've figured out that having sex and increasing your chances of contracting an STD aren't the best ways to make yourself feel better, you begin to use your brain more. That's good. Except, you'll probably make yet another mistake. Those wonderful moments replaying in your mind will slowly be merged with the arguments, silent treatments, and other relationship woes that can cause a breakup. You'll remember certain things he/she said to you before everything went downhill. Maybe, you have a problem listening. Maybe you cheated. Maybe you cheated and thought he/she wasn't listening? Hmm? After weighing the possibilities, you'll think "I can change. If I change for him/her, she/he will take me back. It's the only way!"
Except that's not what it was that made the two of you break up. It wasn't just you. It wasn't just them. It was a bad combination at a bad time. And why change who you are just for someone else? The change should come from your desire to be (hopefully) a better person. If they don't like the person you've become, then it wasn't meant to be in the first place. Let them be. Once you're on the path to getting yourself together and letting the other person do as they please, you'll be ready to start the next step.
4. Accept it
Acceptance is the hardest part of it all. Accepting that the relationship is over and that you're now single is not easy to swallow, but with every end there's a new beginning. This is when you do something you've never done before. Start eating weird things! Go skydiving! Write a book! Move up in your career! The possibilities are endless now that you're single! Ok, I'd never in my life go skydiving, but now is the time to continue living. And part of living is experiencing hurt and growing from it. How can you grow if you're always doing the same thing? Perhaps that failed relationship is part of some sort of psychological pattern? Take time out for yourself to figure out where you want the rest of your life to go. Reconnect with friends and get involved with how they're doing. As the days go on, you'll find yourself thinking less and hurting less. And who knows? You may even find yourself in another relationship before you know it. Just remember to take it easy. Nobody likes being a rebound. *Raises hand*
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